ViperJeff
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:iranmaybe:
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Joke of the day
- Thread starter RangerDanger
- Start date
:iranmaybe:
The Ambidextrous Golfer.
A group of guys live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week? "No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m. He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay". She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.
"The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.
"The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up? "She says, "Then, I'm fifteen
A group of guys live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week? "No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m. He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay". She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.
"The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.
"The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up? "She says, "Then, I'm fifteen
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?
Tarzan not know 'sex' he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said ...'Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'
Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed 'What did you do that for?'
Tarzan replied, 'Checking for squirrels!' ??
Tarzan not know 'sex' he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said ...'Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'
Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed 'What did you do that for?'
Tarzan replied, 'Checking for squirrels!' ??
Sgt. Rock
Full Access Member
Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'
Customer says , 'Female.'
Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?
Customer says , 'White.
Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up.
:gathering:
Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'
Customer says , 'Female.'
Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?
Customer says , 'White.
Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'
Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up.
:gathering:
oppo
Full Access Member
I guess this is as good a place as any for this.
[ame]Www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE[/ame]
[ame]Www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgd9hitEAE[/ame]
SilvrSRT10
Super Moderator
I'm not sure there was a time I looked good naked. At least I'm consistent.
IMO, naked only looks good on women anyhow.
IMO, naked only looks good on women anyhow.
Concealed 27
Full Access Member
Jo6pak
Full Access Member
Sgt. Rock
Full Access Member
I stopped by the Chevrolet dealership yesterday, for a look at the new
Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.
For I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.
The salesman seemed like a nice guy, (a black man wearing an Obama
"change" lapel pin) he sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and
all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed
warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in
the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke up
your rear year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership. SOB had no sense of humor.
Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.
For I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.
The salesman seemed like a nice guy, (a black man wearing an Obama
"change" lapel pin) he sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and
all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed
warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in
the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke up
your rear year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership. SOB had no sense of humor.
Concealed 27
Full Access Member
Great job messing with him....that's great.
Concealed 27
Concealed 27
Last edited:
My father works in a dealership that sells cars which were leased as fleets, for example, as taxis or by rental-companies.
A week ago a foreign guy came in (most of the cars get sold abroad), and "occupied" my father for over an hour while having a very close look at an Audi Q7.
In the end, he asked if they don't have the same car, but more economical.
My father send him to, allegedly, their "partner-dealership".
The guy went, and called back half an hour later.
He was, sorry for the word, pissed.
My father had sent him to a store for remote control cars.
Not nice, sure, but not a lie either.
Those cars run on electricity, and are more economic.
Max
A week ago a foreign guy came in (most of the cars get sold abroad), and "occupied" my father for over an hour while having a very close look at an Audi Q7.
In the end, he asked if they don't have the same car, but more economical.
My father send him to, allegedly, their "partner-dealership".
The guy went, and called back half an hour later.
He was, sorry for the word, pissed.
My father had sent him to a store for remote control cars.
Not nice, sure, but not a lie either.
Those cars run on electricity, and are more economic.
Max
priell3
Full Access Member
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger, holly madison said, "i have my own reality show and i am the smartest and prettiest woman at playboy, so americans don't want me to die." she took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, john mccain , said, "i'm a senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite navy unit from the united states of america." so....he grabbed the second pack and jumped.
The third passenger, barack obama said, "i am the president of the united states and i am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the 'anointed one'. So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.
The fourth passenger, billy graham, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl , "i have lived a full life and served my god the best i could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.
The little girl said, "that's okay, mr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. America's smartest president took my schoolbag ."
The first passenger, holly madison said, "i have my own reality show and i am the smartest and prettiest woman at playboy, so americans don't want me to die." she took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, john mccain , said, "i'm a senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite navy unit from the united states of america." so....he grabbed the second pack and jumped.
The third passenger, barack obama said, "i am the president of the united states and i am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the 'anointed one'. So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.
The fourth passenger, billy graham, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl , "i have lived a full life and served my god the best i could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.
The little girl said, "that's okay, mr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. America's smartest president took my schoolbag ."
priell3
Full Access Member
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
