Joke of the day

priell3

Full Access Member
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,

"what day is tomorrow? Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!"

She's smart, so I asked her, "What does Presidents Day mean?"

I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc.

She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out

of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bull Shit."


You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
 

SilvrSRT10

Super Moderator
mDp6fjy.jpg
 

priell3

Full Access Member
A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Hamad replied, "shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
 
Last edited:

kwo51

Full Access Member
Plumber for hire.

An Interesting Story


Only weeks after leaving office on January 20, 2017, former president Barack Hussein Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come out and fix it. Joe drives to Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Chicago where all the residents have a net income of more than $250,000 per year.

Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the guest bathroom that contains the leaky pipe under the sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama that it's an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes. Obama asks Joe how much it will cost. Joe checks his rate chart and says, "$9,500."

"What?! $9,500?" Obama asks, stunned, "But you said it's an easy repair. Michelle will whip me if I pay a plumber that much!"

Joe says, "Yes, but what I do is charge those who make $250,000 per year a much higher amount so I can fix the plumbing of poorer people for free," explains Joe."This has always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied the Democrat Congress, who passed this philosophy into law. Now all plumbers must do business this way. It's known as 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014 ' I'm surprised you haven't heard of it."

In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves. Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book calling for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses in the area have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe's price, Obama does nothing and the leak goes unrepaired for several more days. A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. Michelle is not happy as she has Oprah and guests arriving the next morning. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour and there's a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return.

Joe goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, checks his new rate chart and says, "Let's see, this will now cost you $21,000."

Obama quickly fires back, "What! A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!"

Joe explains, "Well, because of the 'Affordable Plumbing Act ,' a lot of wealthier people are learning how to maintain and take care of their own plumbing, so there are fewer payers into the plumbing exchanges. As a result, the price I have to charge wealthy people like you keeps rising. Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work by those who get it for free has skyrocketed! There's a long waiting list of those who need repairs but the amount we get doesn't cover our costs. This unfortunately has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, they're not being replaced, and nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they can't make any money at it. I'm hurting, too, all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their fair share.":lewx4:
 

kwo51

Full Access Member
Some of the nicest plumbers butt I have ever seen. I hope somebody does not try to park a bicycle there.
 

SilvrSRT10

Super Moderator
Is she hiring? I could be a plumbers helper. I wonder how much she'd charge me. To help her that is.
I know the difference between a drain snake and a monkey thingy.
 

kwo51

Full Access Member
Went to the Dr. the other day I asked him if I would live to be 80 years old. He asked me if I smoked ,drank chased women ,eat read meat and sweets. Did I drive fast cars party all night, skydive. I told him no to all. He said why the hell you want to live that long.
 

Sgt. Rock

Full Access Member
Three nazi's walk into a bar.

The first nazi says "Hey bartender comin' zie here"!

But the bartender simply ignored him.

The second nazi piped up "Hey bartender you deaf?.. comin' zie here"!

But the bartender simply ignores him too.

Finally the third nazi pulls out his luger and shouts "Hey bartender
comin' zie here or I am going to blow your brains out"!

The bartender turns and slowly walks over to them.

"Gentlemen this bar is closed as of now..you all three need to leave".

The three little nazi's look at each other dumbfounded.

The one with the luger suddenly grabs the bartender by the collar and puts the pistol to his head. "Listen you little fuck..we have killed more men than you will ever know for we three are SS..now pour us three damn drinks or I am going to pull the trigger"

The bartender slowly backs away and grabs three glasses and sets them on the bar and pours a round of schnapps for the trio.

"See what respect get's you these days", pipes up the third nazi as he holsters his luger and turns to make a toast with his comrades.

But just then the bartender pulls out a hidden machine gun and mow's them all down in a hail of bullets.

The bartender looks down on the three dead nazi's and says,

"Can't you three read..the sign outside says No Shirt, No Shoes, No SS, No Service by order of the U.S. Army.
 

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