The War Wagon
Full Access Member
OK... tell ME how you did it!!! :hmm:
-
Welcome Visitors!
Click here to join the community today! Registering is free and it only takes a minute!
Joke of the day
- Thread starter RangerDanger
- Start date
OK... tell ME how you did it!!! :hmm:
SilvrSRT10
Super Moderator
priell3
Full Access Member
How Moses got the 10 Commandments:
God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments..'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
There. That, should piss off just about everybody.
God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honor thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments..'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
There. That, should piss off just about everybody.
Concealed 27
Full Access Member
I love it, doesn't the truth hurt?????
Concealed 27
Concealed 27
priell3
Full Access Member
A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.
That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?
He said, 'Take the dog for a walk'.
After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.
That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?
He said, 'Take the dog for a walk'.
Sgt. Rock
Full Access Member
A Californian and an Texan were deer hunting in the brush of south Texas when an illegal alien runs across a clearing. The Texan takes careful aim, shoots and kills him.
"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.
"It's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.
Later that night the Californian goes to town to buy some beer from Wal-Mart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer and runs away.
The Californian draws his pistol, shoots and kills him. As he is retrieving his beer, the police come by and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Californian.
"Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.
"It's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.
Later that night the Californian goes to town to buy some beer from Wal-Mart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer and runs away.
The Californian draws his pistol, shoots and kills him. As he is retrieving his beer, the police come by and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Californian.
"Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
Sgt. Rock
Full Access Member
Things I trust more than Hillary:
• Mexican tap water
• A wolverine with a 'pet me' sign
• A mixed drink made by Bill Cosby
• A straight edge shave from Jodi Arias
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• A night out with Aaron Hernandez
• Brian Williams memory
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• Pinocchio
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• Browns going to the Super Bowl
• A Nigerian inheritance email
• A pilot alone in the cockpit
• Harry Reid's exercise equipment
• Tying Anthony Weiner's shoes
• A fart in an automatic car wash
• A factory packed parachute
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Supreme Court decision
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A North Korean trial
• A BIC pen that doesn't leak
• A week old tuna fish sandwich found on a city bus
• Mexican tap water
• A wolverine with a 'pet me' sign
• A mixed drink made by Bill Cosby
• A straight edge shave from Jodi Arias
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• A night out with Aaron Hernandez
• Brian Williams memory
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• Pinocchio
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• Browns going to the Super Bowl
• A Nigerian inheritance email
• A pilot alone in the cockpit
• Harry Reid's exercise equipment
• Tying Anthony Weiner's shoes
• A fart in an automatic car wash
• A factory packed parachute
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Supreme Court decision
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A North Korean trial
• A BIC pen that doesn't leak
• A week old tuna fish sandwich found on a city bus
TheOl55
Full Access Member
Sex in the Shower
In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, 86% of Chicago's inner city residents (almost all of whom are registered Democrats) say that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
Sort of brings a tear to your eye.
In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, 86% of Chicago's inner city residents (almost all of whom are registered Democrats) say that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
Sort of brings a tear to your eye.
priell3
Full Access Member
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.
He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
six illegal aliens,
six ambulance-chasing lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six Democrats,
and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"
He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
six illegal aliens,
six ambulance-chasing lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six Democrats,
and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"
TheOl55
Full Access Member
Obama and Putin were walking out in the
countryside, enjoying the scenery and the mild fall weather. While on a quiet
trail, they came across a sheep. The sheep tried to get away, but its head
became caught in the wire fencing. The poor critter was stuck.
Putin smiled,
walked behind the sheep, dropped his drawers, and had his way with it. When
Putin was done, he turned to Obama and said, "Go ahead; it's your
turn!"
Without a second thought, Obama walked over and stuck his head in the
wire fencing.
countryside, enjoying the scenery and the mild fall weather. While on a quiet
trail, they came across a sheep. The sheep tried to get away, but its head
became caught in the wire fencing. The poor critter was stuck.
Putin smiled,
walked behind the sheep, dropped his drawers, and had his way with it. When
Putin was done, he turned to Obama and said, "Go ahead; it's your
turn!"
Without a second thought, Obama walked over and stuck his head in the
wire fencing.
Backinblack
New member
Russian Army’s Top 10 Curiosities
Russia has one of the world’s strongest armies. Some are afraid of it, others respect, but those who serve in the Russian army often speak about it ironically. Indeed, military service is always full of curiosities, strange events and situations. Russians even have a proverb: "Those who served in the army won’t laugh at the circus". Mil.Today has selected 10 strangest stories happened in the Russian army this year.
Russian Army’s Top 10 Curiosities
Russia has one of the world’s strongest armies. Some are afraid of it, others respect, but those who serve in the Russian army often speak about it ironically. Indeed, military service is always full of curiosities, strange events and situations. Russians even have a proverb: "Those who served in the army won’t laugh at the circus". Mil.Today has selected 10 strangest stories happened in the Russian army this year.
Russian Army’s Top 10 Curiosities
TheOl55
Full Access Member
The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947 , about 68 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico .
This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the alien crash, the following people were born:
Barrack Obama, Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden
This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.
I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.
It certainly did for me.
And now you can stop wondering why
they support the bill to help all illegal Aliens.
This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the alien crash, the following people were born:
Barrack Obama, Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden
This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.
I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.
It certainly did for me.
And now you can stop wondering why
they support the bill to help all illegal Aliens.
TheOl55
Full Access Member
*GUNFIGHT RULES*
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands
around reloading."
In a gunfight, the most important rule is..... HAVE A GUN!!!
These are shooting tips from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If
you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules...
*RULES*
A : Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.
B : It’s better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
C : Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.
D : Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arm's length.
E : Never say "I've got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the
first sound they should hear is the safety clicking off or the hammer
cocking.
F : The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response
time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.
G : The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always Win - there is no
such thing as a fair fight. Always Win - cheat if necessary. Always Win - 2nd place
doesn't count.
H : Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets.... You may
get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with
it because it will be empty.
I : If you're in a gun fight:
(a) If you're not shooting, you should be loading.
(b) If you're not loading, you should be moving.
(c) If you're not moving, you're dead.
J : In a life and death situation, do something.... it may be wrong,
but do something !
K : If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you
have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
L : You can say "stop" or any other word, but a large bore muzzle
pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language; and, you
won't have to press 1 for Spanish/Mexican or 2 for Chinese or 3 for
Arabic.
M : Never leave an enemy behind. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill.
In court, yours will be the only testimony.
N : You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and
your family.
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands
around reloading."
In a gunfight, the most important rule is..... HAVE A GUN!!!
These are shooting tips from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If
you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules...
*RULES*
A : Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.
B : It’s better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
C : Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.
D : Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arm's length.
E : Never say "I've got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the
first sound they should hear is the safety clicking off or the hammer
cocking.
F : The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response
time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.
G : The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always Win - there is no
such thing as a fair fight. Always Win - cheat if necessary. Always Win - 2nd place
doesn't count.
H : Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets.... You may
get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with
it because it will be empty.
I : If you're in a gun fight:
(a) If you're not shooting, you should be loading.
(b) If you're not loading, you should be moving.
(c) If you're not moving, you're dead.
J : In a life and death situation, do something.... it may be wrong,
but do something !
K : If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you
have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
L : You can say "stop" or any other word, but a large bore muzzle
pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language; and, you
won't have to press 1 for Spanish/Mexican or 2 for Chinese or 3 for
Arabic.
M : Never leave an enemy behind. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill.
In court, yours will be the only testimony.
N : You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and
your family.
Concealed 27
Full Access Member
Have had that happen at range and its a scary feeling....lol statement is very true
Concealed 27
Concealed 27
V
This is the best and most interesting English lesson I have had in a long time.
Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters?
Do you know that the word "racecar" spelled backwards still spells "racecar"?
And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"?
Have you noticed that if you re-arrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, non-English-speaking assholes, and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-shagging, raggedy-ass bastards with you."
How weird is that?
This is the best and most interesting English lesson I have had in a long time.
Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters?
Do you know that the word "racecar" spelled backwards still spells "racecar"?
And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"?
Have you noticed that if you re-arrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, non-English-speaking assholes, and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-shagging, raggedy-ass bastards with you."
How weird is that?
#860
Full Access Member
You made me LOL, Your an onery ol boy i see. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
