Joke of the day

Sgt. Rock

Full Access Member
So, this pirate walks into a bar with a captain’s wheel crammed down the front of his pants and the bartender says,

‘Why have you got a captain’s wheel crammed down the front of your pants?’

And the pirate says, ‘arrgh! It’s driving me nuts!
 

TheOl55

Full Access Member
The Sensuous Wife

This man was sitting and reading his newspaper when his wife enters the house, she approaches him in a most provocative manner. "Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asks the wife in a soft sweet voice.

Not knowing what to make of this situation he replies, "No."
Pursing her lips she gives him a sexy little smile, reaches into her cleavage and slowly pulls out a crumpled up twenty dollar bill.

Then stepping closer in she asks in a low sexy voice, "Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?"
Intrigued, he answers, "Uh, no."

She gives him another sexy little smile, seductively reaches into her panties and ever so slowly removes a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Now," she says as she leans down and whispers, "Have you ever seen 40,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

Totally confused and excited he stammers, "No-o-o-o-o."

"Well," she whispers in his ear, "then go look in the garage..."
 

TheOl55

Full Access Member
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking Encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what
he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million dollars. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
 

Sgt. Rock

Full Access Member
A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past.

"Say, friend", called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"

"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.

"Oh, a good two miles."

A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. "Hey, how far's the next town?"

"Not far," was the encouraging answer, "only about two miles."

"Well," sighed the optimistic sergeant, "thank God, we're holding our own, anyhow!"
 

Sgt. Rock

Full Access Member
Yep must have been obamas brown shirts walking a circle.

Obama-Brown-Shirts_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg
 

Sgt. Rock

Full Access Member
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to geta stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
 

Sgt. Rock

Full Access Member
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

So she opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief she takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
 

kwo51

Full Access Member
We will be judged by the color of our hair,eyes .Don't worry I'm just pissing up a rope this morning.
 

Concealed 27

Full Access Member
Yeah Jeff would be pissed...lol...I just think its funny as hell whoever took the pick and took the time to load the mag messed up.....
 
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